By Pastor Matt Trewhella
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. –Proverbs 18:8
In a society rampant with divorce and infidelity, having a wife that is good is a treasure. And for this, I hold my wife dear. I see the Lord’s favor towards me when I consider my wife.
I have known and met so many men who do not have this. My heart breaks for them because I cannot imagine living without the goodness of my wife.
When I was young, I took my wife for granted. All the effort and time I put into obtaining her, but then once I had her, I took her for granted. I thought – “She will be with me all my life.” This thought caused me to often give her second place to all of my other relationships and to my work.
I was a ministry-aholic. This is the temptation of many a good minister – to always put the needs of others before his own family. The Lord had to chastise me and show me how off balance I was.
I began to see my mortality and realized all those days of “all my life” were disappearing. I changed my priorities and began to say “no” to other people. I began to put my wife before them. And as I did, I began to truly treasure the goodness of the woman the Lord had given me for a wife.
That change began more than 20 years ago now. I am getting older – 57 years-old now. And I enjoy this place in my life. I enjoy it in a large part because of what my wife and I have built together.
We have eleven children and fifteen grandchildren. I love to watch her with them. She has learned so much over the years and imparts that to them. I love listening to her talk with them. She disperses her wisdom and insight. She teaches them through word and deed. I love watching the faces of my children and grandchildren when she interacts with them. You can see the goodness being poured into them.
Sometimes I sit on my bed at night and feel the goodness of it all. I realize I have a treasure so many others do not have. And I give praise to God for His favor towards me.
Sometimes I get beaten down by an insane world in rebellion against the Lord or when I’m attacked by wicked men (or Christian men) – but I get to come home. And there I find solace. I find her goodness.
Her love for me, her respect, her kind words. She loves me even when I don’t particularly love myself.
And her love for Christ! She always talks about Him. She has always provoked me unto love and good works. She is an evangelist at heart – always talking with others about Him, and His law, and Word. She has gotten me into more conversations over the years with complete strangers than you could ever imagine.
She talks about those things that are dear to His heart – not the floaty-flattery type of Christianity prevalent today. All this. And the simple times of just sitting and holding her hand. Of enjoying a coffee together and conversing. Laughing at something we saw or even our own foolishness. Goodness. Treasures.
The Scripture is true:
“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”
Men – hold your wives dear. Cherish them. Our lives are short.
Ladies – understand that men gauge their worth as a man by how they do with their wife and children. They could be amazing at their work; they could be the most sought-after CEO; they could be the greatest alligator wrestler – but if they fail with their family, they view themselves as a failure as a man.
Astounding right? With all that is done through the media, academia, and government policy to belittle, besmirch, and destroy the family – men still gauge their worth as a man by how they do with their wife and their children.
Yes, I know there are men who are just self-absorbed idiots. But the majority still view their worth as a man by how they have done with their family. And that is why after their family has been broken up and destroyed so many men finish off their days sitting in the pub with a drink in their hand.
May the Lord help us to be vigilant for our homes while we live in the midst of a society that abhors duty, and celebrates irresponsibility and lasciviousness.
Matthew Trewhella is the pastor of Mercy Seat Christian Church. He and his wife, Clara, have eleven children and reside in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area. You can check out his sermons and articles at MercySeat.net.
You can also read his writings at DefyTyrants.com.